Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if only i could text you this smell
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
