for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
