You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
