Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
