I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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