peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
