omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize