meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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