On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
