So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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