my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
