Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
