I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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