Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
