i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
