I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
