If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
