If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
