The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
