while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
