Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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