she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
