Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come share oat with me in your robe
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
