he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
