okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
