i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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