Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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