I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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