Apparently you make a good broom.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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