Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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