i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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