As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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