Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
