i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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