He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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