People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
