morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
