don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
