I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
