You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
whose parrot is this?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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