Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
