just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
