I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
