I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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