I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
did you just send me my own nude
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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