She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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