So drunk its hurt
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
