she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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