oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need moral support for this bender
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
