Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
