Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
