Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
