Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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