so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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