He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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