i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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