I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
3pm strippers are depressing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
