So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
