just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
