how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
