You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
