Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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