someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drake has all the answers
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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